Season 1, Episode 14: It's Not Easy Being Green

Written by Susannah Grant, directed by Michael Engler
Transcribed by Anita

Julia's driver's ed class. The teacher is pairing off "drivers." Julia is paired off with Justin (the guy who she pretended to like in an earlier episode, who honestly liked her). Justin asks the teacher if he can switch partners. Teacher denies his request.

At home, Will and Bailey are studying, they had split up the total work between the two of them, Will has done his part, Bailey didn't, cuz of Jill, but he *will* do it.

Kirsten and a guy walk in talking about publication and the such. Charlie has a look of total left-outness on his face. Charlie doesn't know the people that Kirsten and Ben (her advisor) are talking about. They pop open some champagne, and Ben makes a comment that he owns her now, night and day.



Artie and Claudia stop by the music room at school because Claudia wants to try out for the part of Oliver, which had been cast already, but the guy who was going to play him got sick, so they have to recast. Claudia says that she would rather be up on stage performing, than down in the orchestra.

While Kirsten tries to study, Charlie makes some comments about Ben... Isn't it weird that he does these kind of things?? Kirsten strongly objects.

Julia is in the "student driver" car driving a *stick* (since when do they have sticks in drivers ed, geesh!) VERY badly. Justin is in the back. The teacher, sitting in front, makes some very sexist statements about women's driving abilities. Julia finds this offensive, and discusses filing a formal complaint with Justin, who has been taking a civics (?) class. The teacher apologizes. Julia tries to start the car, but makes an awful noise (yeah, you know the one) because it is already running.

Claudia is anxious about getting the part of Oliver, she tries to practice, but Artie has to tell her something ... *He* got the part of Oliver, Claudia is the understudy. Claudia goes ballistic.

Julia asks Justin if he is not mad at her anymore, Justin says that she talks too much.

Will is waiting for Bailey (and Jill who was driving his Jeep). Will and Bailey were going to see a concert, but when Bailey finally shows up, he says that Jill said the concert was no good, and that they are going to a 'psychic' sort of party instead. When Will comments that they already have tickets, Jill scalpes them.

Charlie and Kirsten are in bed, talking about renting a skiing cabin. Kirsten is writing stuff down to tell Ben, wants to concentrate when Charlie makes advances. Charlie gets mad ... Kirsten says "We don't have to have sex every night, I have other things on my mind."


Morning at the Salinger's house: No one wants pancakes !! Charlie and Kirsten are arguing about when they can meet, Claudia is raving about why she didn't get the part of Oliver, Julia is dieting, and Will and Bailey are arguing about Jill and the tickets. Thurbur? the dog gets the pancakes.

Julia and her old friend, Libby meet in the bathroom, due to Libby's ineptness with mechanical things. They talk for a little while, since they never do now, Libby has a new guy in her life, but she wont say who, Julia maybe does.

Artie is practicing his lines, when he can't remember "the most famous line" Claudia says that the only reason that he got the part was because he is a boy, and makes comments about this being "sexual" casting.

Will and Bailey are studying for a test, when Jill shows up, telling Bailey that she wants to see an air show, and yes he can go, because she has a copy of the test for them. "Nice girl" says Will, she leaves the test with them, even though they don't want to use it.

Charlie is outside, sitting on a porch swing, when Kirsten comes by to talk. Charlie found a movie ticket stub in Kirsten's pocket, and wants to know what exactly *is* Ben to her?? Kirsten is offended, and continues to deny that Ben has any prospects on her, and she also comments that he has a lot of nerve to accuse with his track record.

From around a corner, Julia sees Libby with her "boyfriend", Julia rounds the corner in order to find that Libby's boyfriend is ..... Justin (uh-oh).


Artie comes to Claudia's house in the rain to make peace. Claudiarefuses to hear of it, and refuses to let him in, and walks away.

Bailey explains about Will to Jill at the coffee shop. Jill sees the picture, Will only likes to break "little" rules, the medium ones don't count. Jill says she embarasses Bailey because they act like they don't bend rules. Bailey denies this.

Julia, in drivers ed again, standing outside a wrecked and/or overheated "student driver" car. Julia says she can't hack people yelling at her, and asks if Justin will give her private lessons. He says he will, and he wont even yell.

Charlie apoligizes to Kirsten, Kirsten says that it was wrong of him, Charlie says to let him know when she is going to do something, Kirsten says that they are ususally just on the spur of the moment, Charlie just asks to tell him how her day went when she came home, so there are no surprises. But then the nanny (name??) comes in and tells Kirsten that she had a message from "Ben" and to "dress pretty for dinner". Charlie goes ballistic again, saying that Ben and Kirsten are going to a dinner party as a "couple" since *he* can't go/wasn't invited. She says she is going.

Claudia is backstage rehearsing her one line, when her teacher tells her that she must go on as Oliver, because Artie has fallen sick.

Julia is driving well with Justin, until she runs into a stack of trash bags. He doesn't yell. She asks if he was always this great. Justin runs out of the car telling Julia that she shouldn't be doing this, she knows he has a girlfriend. Julia says that he "knew" it was more than a driving lesson, while he denies it vehemently.

Charlie helps Eliza, the new waitress at Salinger's, tie her tie. They are both working till closing, and Charlie offers her a ride home so that she doesn't have to take the bus, or thumb it.

Bailey is practicing basketball at night, when Will shows up to return a book, and asks how Bailey did on the test. Bailey says he did ok, Will realizes that he used the test. Bailey says no, then says only on a couple questions. Will starts to say that Jill is no good, but Bailey contends that Will is just jealous, and trashes everything he says, and says that Isabel was a bitch, but he never said anything to Will.

Kirsten and Ben are getting ready to go in to the party. Ben tells Kirsten to let him know when she is ready to go, so they can cut out and do something else. Kirsten realizes Ben's intentions, and tells him that this is not a date, that she is living with Charlie because she loves him.

Charlie gives Izabel a ride home to her "crummy building" and she invites him in.


When Charlie comes home, Kirsten asks where has he been? She called the restaurant because she really needed to talk to him, and they said that he gave a waitress a ride home. Charlie, without waiting for Kirsten to tell him about Ben, says that it would've been so easy for him, but he can't get her off of his mind, like she seems to have done about him.

Claudia is practicing voice scales outside in a bucket of water. Everyone is trying to get her to come in, but she insists that she deserves to get pnemonia and die, that no one has known jealousy like she has known, that she is a sinner, etc .. until they finally carry her in. Julia runs into Libby, who goes on about Justin, maybe Justin and Libby can do something with Julia and her "maybe". Julia says no, the guy didn't work out. Libby says that the three can still, and Julia says no, three's a crowd.

Jill is stuffing something in her pants when Bailey hollers and shows her his 'A' that he got thanks to her. Jill asks how Will did, and Bailey doesn't know, they are not talking, but he really doesn't care. Jill says she will be his best friend too, and returns back to her locker, to put a bag of pot back in.

Claudia brings flowers to Artie, and apoliges to him. Artie says not to worry about it, that he has the same thing that the first Oliver has, just a bug, and the teacher didn't really "beg" him to be Oliver.

Julia is getting a practice driver's ed test, when Justin comes in to get one as well. Julia thanks him for his help, while she is saying that she is happy for him and Libby, he kisses her, then regrets it and walks out.

Kirsten gets a message, and tells Charlie that it is her new advisor, and tells Charlie that he was right, but it shouldn't matter what other people's intentions are, *she* is the one he should trust.

Claudia sings (quite well) as Oliver.



Charlie tells Jill she is high, Jill says "what?", Charlie says "You're on something"

Bailey tells Charlie that is Jill's personality, she's high strung, Charlie says that Bailey can think whatever he wants, but she has a problem.

Libby tells Julia that if something happened between her and Justin, and she were really her friend, she could've said no.

Earthquake rumbles the Salinger house, as Claudia screams, Jill and Bailey hold on to the kitchen cabinets, and the lights go dark...


Other previews show Bailey finding Jill's drugs and confronting her about it ... then hugging her.

Notes from Miko:

You can hear Michael Shulman (Artie) sing "Where Is Love?" from OLIVER on the 1994 CD "The Broadway Kids Sing Broadway." Lacey Chabert also performs songs from LES MISERABLES and A SECRET GARDEN on the same CD.
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