Once there was a couple named Jersey and Geraldine. They'd been together so long, they could barely remember a time when they weren't. But they remembered the moment they fell in love because even though it was a long time ago, it felt like yesterday to them. Or at least yesterday it felt like yesterday, because today they had started to drift apart. And Geraldine knew it was all their house's fault, because the old place was full of problems...like the cracks that let in the cold air in the winter, and pipes that were so squeaky, they played the twilight zone theme every minute. So they decided it was time to move away.

So Jersey and Geraldine started packing away their old things. There was the head of the unicorn he killed to impress her, not knowing it was her favorite flying horse; the broken piece of looking glass that she used to put on makeup, which he said she never needed. But when they checked under their bed to make sure they'd packed everything, they found something strange. There, behind the missing socks, a big ugly weed was growing. And they knew from it's size that it must have been there a while.

They yanked at the weed, they hacked it and burned it, they even tried feeding it Jersey's worst borscht(?), the one that killed Uncle Tragit(?). But every time the weed came back, even stronger than before.

Geraldine and Jersey were old and wise. But there was someone in their land who was wiser, and plenty older. Some people thought she was ugly, others thought the warts gave her character, but everybody knew the Answer Hag lived up to her name. Answer Hag told Geraldine and Jersey that if there was any magic that could solve their weed problem, it wasn't something she could give them. It was something they already had, or used to have, and it was right under their noses. Something bigger than an air kiss(?) but smaller than the lazy boy she made him throw away. And they wouldn't know what it was until it came along and bit them.

So Geraldine and Jersey searched everywhere for the thing that was missing. Was it the ancient shoes that he wore to their wedding? Was it the lock of her hair that she gave him when they were engaged? It was none of these. And then one day while they were searching the house separately, Geraldine and Jersey met in a hallway and couldn't get by. When he moved left, she moved right. And when she moved left, he moved right. And pretty soon they realized that they were dancing, and it made them laugh. And when they laughed, they heard the house shake with a strange noise, almost like it was laughing with them. They went downstairs and saw that the noise was the giant weed getting sucked through the floor, inhaled back into the earth. And the more they laughed, the faster the weed went away.

And as the couple danced through the cold night, they felt their house growing warmer and brighter around them. And they knew no other house could keep them as close, so they unpacked their things and they stayed. And they lived happily ever after.

Thanks to Christy for this transcription.