Quotes from Shortest Distance

"Everything in my refrigerator at home tastes like beer." -Griffin

"My parents charge me for breakfast now." -Will

"...this funky bacon." -Charlie
"It's actually dried snake penis. The Chinese use it for virility." -Kirsten
"What?" -Charlie
"They have a billion people in China." -Kirsten
"Where did you find this web site?" -Charlie
"Wait, wait wait. You haven't heard the best part. Sex, twice a day." -Kirsten
"Really, they said that?" -Charlie
"Keeps the pipes clear." -Kirsten
"Should we tick one off the list right now?" -Charlie
"Yeah, as soon as I get my shot, and you take a cold shower and finish your penis." -Kirsten

"I get it. You're like the papa bird, pushing me out of the nest." -Myra
"All right, you're gonna do great. Okay, you don't even need me." -Charlie
"Half of them break their necks, though. I mean, I see their tiny caracasses splattered on the sidewalk." -Myra

"Sarah moved across the country, Will. I miss her. Your compadre is in pain. Now, is that any less important to you than who's on the undercard with the Bloodguzzler?" -Bailey to Will

"You might be the only editor on the planet right now who's asking their writer to give them less sex." -Julia to Evan

"Okay, no joke, now I really have to pee." -Will
"We just stopped in Reno." -Bailey
"That was three hours ago, and I nearly had to chew your arm off on the Donner Pass to get us to a drive-through." -Will
"And what's up with you not letting us gamble?" -Griffin
"Come on, Reno's a total cliche." -Bailey
"Yeah, a total cliche with practically naked cocktail waitresses." -Griffin
"Guys, we're making amazing time. Eight hours and seventeen minutes and we're already half way through Nevada." -Bailey
"Yeah, that's because we've been in this truck since 5:30am. Escaped convicts don't travel at this pace." -Will
"Seriously, you know, you are pushing the engine pretty hard. We're carrying a lot of weight back there." -Griffin
"In addition to the fact, in case I failed to make this clear, my bladder is about to explode all over Sarah's summer wardrobe." -Will

"You want to be in New York City, the one next to the Atlantic Ocean, by Thursday?" -Will

"I'll give you twenty bucks if you say you have to pee." -Will
"I have to pee." -Griffin
(Handing him an empty cup) "Go for it." -Bailey

"You blinked. I had a hot flash. End of story." -Kirsten

"I have to surprise her." -Bailey
"Surprise her?" -Griffin
"Yes, I'm making a statement. I'm proving a point. So she can't say no." -Bailey
"No to what?" -Will
"No to coming back home." -Bailey

"We're makin' a baby here, Kirsten. This is supposed to be fun." -Charlie

"I'm gonna make sure Sarah knows that I'm still here. I'm gonna make sure so she can't walk away." -Bailey
"Take a look around, man - she already has." -Will

"He's got his own family now, Victor. I have to learn to not lean on people. As soon as I finish leaning on your first, please." -Daphne

"You were wondering why. This is why." -Kirsten to Charlie

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