Written by Isa
Look out for a slight crossover with "Dawson's Creek." This one's for Sarah haters.
It was a complete accident, Officer. I swear, it was.
We were just gonna go on vacation, visit all the museums, nothing major.
Okay, so I *did* pack my gun, but only because I know sometimes Sarah's
gotta be scared to shut up, you know? I mean, she talks and talks and talks
and talks and yet you know what?? The only thing that shuts her up is the
site of that damn pistol. I don't know why she's so scared of it. I got it to
protect her. Guess that didn't work out so well, huh?
See, it's really very simple. We were walking down that long dock thing
you always see on the show, I mean, the maps. And when we got to the end of
it, we saw this couple making out in a rowboat. The oars were down in the
water and they were really gonna go at it. So Sarah says she wants to rent a
boat and go at it, and believe me, I love sex, I mean, what guy doesn't like
sex? I just didn't feel like it. See, the thing you've gotta understand
about Sarah is that she talks during sex. Talk, talk, talk, talk, talk.
"Are my breasts nice? Do you wanna marry me? Should I be using something
besides the Pill? Is my hair too long? Do you wanna change the wallpaper in
the living room?" You get the picture. And she's got this really high
pitched annoying voice that is just so damn shrill, it drives you nuts. So
most nights I say I'm too tired for sex so she'll have to shut up and let
Where was I? Oh yeah. So we're watching the couple in the boat go at it
and your younger brother comes up and asks if we know we're on private
property. We said we didn't and he said that's cool, introduced himself and
left. So Sarah says she wants to go out to Witch Island and even though I
don't really wanna, I figure it's better than listening to her chatter so I--
What's that? Oh, why do I date her if she's such a pain. Well....this
is gonna sound really nasty, but.....she gives really, really good head. And
you know, when she does it, she can't talk. So it's like killing two birds
with one stone.
Could you stop distracting me though? I keep losing my place in this
Oh, okay so we take the boat to Witch Island and the guy warns us that
people don't live through the night so we have to be there when they leave at
five and blah blah blah.
We're going through the woods and of course, we get lost. So Sarah starts
babbling twenty thousand miles a minute and I need to shut her up just so I
can think straight long enough to even pull out my compass to see where I'm
going and when she wouldn't shut up I pulled out the pistol.
And see, you gotta know Sarah. She jumps up and down and freaks out about
everything. So she's jumping up and down and freaking out and she jumps at
me to try and get the gun. We sort of tumble and the pistol falls to the
ground. It goes off and shoots her point blank in the head. I can still
remember the first thing I said when she fell to the ground, blood everywhere.
It was a complete accident, Officer Witter. I swear.